Checkmate

I need to run away,
Where no one knows my name
And nothing feels the same
And days aren’t like a game
That can be lost.

I wish I were a bird
Then I could fly when hurt
Instead of wallowing in this dirt
That I, alone, have stirred.

Checkmate. But not quite.
Trapped and losing time.
These days are like a rhyme,
A puzzle of future times.

What’s with this crazy game?
Afraid I never learned to play…
Could you teach me?
Or would that still fail to make me free?

I can’t dispel these feelings
And I cannot speak with reason
Will these words change with the seasons?
Or will they fade,
to never haunt my days?

These answers are not needed
But my thoughts are always greedy
For what’s around the bend.
This cycle never ends.

Am I running from You?
Or is my heart too untrue?
Or is my mind too full of other things
To seek what is highest?

What’s new with my soul?
I really ought to know
But I’m getting better at hiding
Yet my heart longs for You to find me.

Where is my heart these days?
I feel it breaking in many ways.
But is it for the right reasons?
Or am I just throwing broken pieces?

How much longer must I wait?
I’m not sure how many more days
This little girl can take.

Written Winter 2010